Your Long-Overdue Update

Hello to all my faithful blogees.  I know it has been quite a while since my last post, but hopefully you will understand what with the move and all.  We are finally getting settled in our new home and are loving the improvement in weather from Washington State.  I started at my new hospital over the weekend, and I feel a little like a new grad again, because nearly all the equipment is different, many of the meds are different (I had never even heard of Norco before) and so many of the policies and procedures are different that there is a huge learning curve.  That said, I love my coworkers so far and I can't argue with the pay raise (more than 1.5 times my previous salary with only a modest cost of living change).

Perhaps the biggest change is going from a 3:1 patient ratio to a 4:1 ratio.  I thought that I had to run before, now I have to fly.  One of my coworkers told me about her old ER out east where they would work 6 or even 7 patients per nurse.  I'm the kind of nurse that really enjoys taking the time talking with my patients and learning who they are and what they need.  So far in this new place, I feel like I only have time to run from task to task and then I'm getting a new ambulance.  I'm confident that I will adapt and everything will go okay, but it is still a big change and makes me feel just a little overwhelmed so far.

I'll try to get back to doing more regular blog updating, but bear with me as we finish getting everything settled and getting to know our new area... and lounging by the pool soaking up the sun.  I have a tan for the first time in years.  It's very nice.

Is It Just Me...

Or is there something refreshingly appropriate about scheduling the Obama White House Spectacular right after "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here"?

Just saying.

The Walmart Shooting

I live less than half a mile from the Walmart in Lakewood, Washington where a security guard was executed yesterday as he walked out of the store carrying a bag with some money in it.  The shooters, the getaway driver, and the Walmart employee who was the girlfriend of one of the accomplices and apparently was feeding inside information to them have all been arrested and are behind bars.

Needless to say, this has shaken things up in the community a little.  I first became aware of it as I was trying to drive home about 20 minutes after the shooting when a fat topless man with a bad farmers tan was detouring traffic off my street.  "That's odd," I thought as I begrudgingly detoured.  When, a minute later, I realized that although I was about 2000 feet from home, it would probably be half an hour or more given the state of traffic, I decided to call the local police office (everyone should have their local police office number in their cell phone) and told them, "you probably know this already, given the 5 helicopters flying around overhead, but something is going on out here as traffic is at a near stand-still and some random guy without a shirt is directing traffic off of 75th street."  The lady's response: "oh, that is because there is a stalled vehicle over there... and also another incident."

Something wasn't adding up, and I've lived here long enough to know that there aren't usually several helicopters floating around overhead, so I called my wife and told her to close and lock the doors, because something strange was going on.  As I was about to turn back onto my street, two police motorcycles came roaring up with lights flashing and started directing traffic, and guess who's car was the second in line and would now be forced to make a big u turn and go around the back way to get home.  If you guessed Barack Obama, you have a very poor grasp of current events.  By the time I got back to where my house was, I decided that with two little girls at home and no idea why police were rerouting traffic and helicopters were making what looked like slow searching patterns overhead, that I should make sure I didn't need to go home and get my family and leave for a while.  I parked a little off the street and walked up to the corner where an officer was directing traffic.  After a few minutes he looked over and saw myself and another man standing there and asked what we wanted.  I said, "I just live right over there and I want to make sure that everything is safe with whatever is going on here."  His response: "Are you kidding?  There are more cops here than at a police convention.  This is the safest place around."

So I went home, told the neighbor who was cutting wood in her garage to close the door and lock the house and went in to try to find out what was going on.  As the story has been coming in, it seems like a carefully planned robbery involving an employee who had been timing the coming and going of the security guards, a getaway driver, and the two perpetrators who waited for the moment to kill the armored truck employee and run off with the money.  I had been in the store just a couple hours earlier and my wife later told me that she had been planning on sending me back on my way home to pick up some diapers.  My brother's mother in law was actually in the store at the time of the shooting, though she was in the back of the store and she said that she heard a loud sound and thought, "hmm, that sounds like a gunshot," but shook off such an absurd thought and went about her shopping.

It is a little scary to think just how close to home this occurred, but this could have happened anywhere, and so it doesn't make me feel any more unsafe.  In fact, I decided this morning that I would go shopping at Walmart today to show a little support; perhaps even to prove that a couple scumbags with a gun and no brains wouldn't change my life or make me cower in fear.  Whatever the reason, I expected to walk into a shell of a store with a few scared customers with bowed heads walking quietly through the aisles.

Instead, I found a busy and bustling store that was about as full as I had ever seen it, with people going about their normal lives.  It would be easy to assume that these are just heartless people who don't care that a life had been taken here just a day before, but I prefer to be the optimist and say that these were people of a like mind to me, who decided that the best way to heal the wounds is to get about business and show that we are not afraid.  By the end of the day a healthy memorial was already developing with flowers and cards and news crews standing around filming.

It was a little strange to walk through the entrance to the store and think, "here is where a man died," but for a reason I have a hard time expressing, I feel that one of the best ways I could honor a man who died faithfully fulfilling the duties of his employ, is to help that business and the flow of culture and community to not be shaken.

Less than 24 hours from now I'll be driving a moving truck out of here, but I'm sure that it will be quite some time beyond that before all of the psychological implications of an event like this are fully sorted out in my mind.  All I can say for those involved in this unconscionable crime is that I dearly hope that they never again get to enjoy the blessings of freedom and peace of mind that they so brazenly stole from a whole community for a few thousand dollars.

When I went to Walmart today, I saw good people trying to make sense of it all, but trying also to go about their lives and not have their freedom, their faith, their innocence stolen.  Seeing that, I think, helped calm the quiet fires in myself and restore some of that faith in the goodness of people that so few, with cold and thoughtless actions, would seek to take away from me.

And I hope that you will go out today and look around you and see the great people who are everywhere around, just doing their best to create a life of happiness and love.  Take it in, and hold it close to your heart, because some day, you may need to pull that thought out and embrace it to you as you try to make sense of the senseless.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the family and friends of that poor young guard, who was just trying to do an honorable service as he made his way through helicopter school to become a pilot, and to all the armored truck guards who will now forever be glancing in the shadows around them wondering if perhaps they are next.

...And In The "Threatened By A Fortune Cookie" Department

How about opening up a fortune cookie and finding this one:

"Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone."

So is the "fortune" telling me I'm dying tonight?  Maybe that really wasn't chicken after all.

And along those lines:



This is the fortune cookie that I opened a couple weeks ago while eating at a Mongolian Grill.  If you have a hard time seeing the picture, it says, "Next time order the shrimp."

Nice to see a sense of humor in these guys.

Today's "Reason For Your Visit"

When a patient checks in at our ER, they are asked to fill out a half-sheet of paper with name, phone, SSN, birth date, and "reason for your visit".

Whenever I work triage, I write down the interesting ones and have been building up a list.  Some are funny, some embarrassing, and some just tickle my warped sense of humor.  I try to give the benefit of the doubt.  I know that these people are hurting and just want to be seen, and if I were the patient, whatever I wrote down may just end up on a list like this as well, but it still makes me shake my head to see some of the things that patients can come up with.

Thus, my regular (as in whenever I feel like it) series, "Reason For Your Visit."  Please keep in mind that spelling, punctuation, and capitalization are copied directly from the original paper.

So let's get to today's Reason For Your Visit:

THROWT HURT / CANT EAT SWALLOW

Is that an African or a European swallow?

Star Trek

I watched a fair amount of Star Trek when I was younger, but as I got older, and as the spinoffs came, I completely lost interest.  I never got into Deep Space 9 or Enterprise or any of the other shows, but I remember enjoying watching some of the original series and I liked the Next Generation series even more.

I would never say I'm a trekkie.  Just enough to know most of the characters and to know that a red-shirt ensign dies on every episode.

So I went in to seeing the movie this evening with a little skepticism.  Yeah, the movie has an 8.4 rating at IMDB, placing it in the top 100 movies of all times, is directed by the man who brought us Mission Impossible 3 and the always entertaining TV show Alias, and yeah, every review I have read says it is amazing, but then so went the hype about Batman Begins, and that, while good, didn't live up (despite an amazing score by my homeboy Hans Zimmer).

This one does.

From the universally outstanding acting performances, to the gripping action from minute 1 until the end, to the special effects to the music, there is very little to critique in this outstanding film.  For the Trekkies, there are lots of hidden jokes (I saw it with my brother who is a big Star Trek fan and he pointed out a lot of them), for the casual fans even there are inside jokes that you will get, and even for those who couldn't care less about Star Trek (like my mother, who shocked me with the revelation that she liked it) the film doesn't leave you behind - at least not completely.  The young actors who have the nigh unto impossible task of portraying cultural icons do a great job of playing the characters in such a way that it seems that you actually are watching these characters in their younger days.

You still have to suspend your disbelief a little bit in some scenes and a lot in others, but if you can join this fantasy world, you will be held spellbound from beginning to end and walk out of the theatre hoping for more sequels.

And that is perhaps the best part about the whole thing: the plot was constructed in such a way that there is a lot of room for more sequels that can be completely and believably independent of the previous Star Trek movies, including the last several train wrecks that they threw at us.

So get off your chair, put your hospital gown and stethoscope down, and head on over to the cinema to enjoy what will hopefully become a sci-fi classic before it leaves the big screen, and see if you laugh as hard as I did at Kirk's line as he is being choked by the Romulan.

2 enthusiastic - and slightly surprised - thumbs up.

Today's "Reason For Your Visit"

When a patient checks in at our ER, they are asked to fill out a half-sheet of paper with name, phone, SSN, birth date, and "reason for your visit".

Whenever I work triage, I write down the interesting ones and have been building up a list.  Some are funny, some embarrassing, and some just tickle my warped sense of humor.  I try to give the benefit of the doubt.  I know that these people are hurting and just want to be seen, but it still makes me shake my head to see some of the things that patients can come up with.

Thus, my regular (as in whenever I feel like it) series, "Reason For Your Visit."  Please keep in mind that spelling, punctuation, and capitalization are copied directly from the original paper.

So let's get to today's Reason For Your Visit:

have Epilepsy have headache

have Epilepsy, have headache, heck, have whatever you want!  I'm just giving it away!

Leaving on a Jet Plane... or a Uhaul.

Life has been interesting of late, with the culmination being a new job offer (actually two, but I could only accept one of them), and a trip down to my new state to get a license and complete the paperwork and look for a house.

That's right, I will soon leave Saint Bigold Hospital and travel to warmer climes, where I will start a new position in a smaller ER in a bigger hospital.  16 beds instead of 25, but the census is the same.  What does that mean?  Hallway beds galore, baby!  I'm not a big fan of hallway beds, but when the weather is great and the new base pay is better than my current overtime pay, I'll deal with a hallway bed or 6.

So that and a move and some sickness running through the family and a recent muscle strain and just being generally busy have kept me from posting as much as I would like.  I still plan on keeping the blog up, but the sparseness of the posts will likely continue for a bit until we get settled in to our new place.  I still have a huge backlog of "reasons for your visit" as every new shift in triage brings in piles of them, so I'll try to post some of those from time to time.

Oh, and in case anyone who cares really cares, I think Adam will win and deserves to win American Idol.  I still hate his over the top stage shows, I continue to almost universally love his studio recordings when he tones it down and just concentrates on singing.  Too bad I can't write in for Anoop, though.

Today's "Reason For Your Visit"

When a patient checks in at our ER, they are asked to fill out a half-sheet of paper with name, phone, SSN, birth date, and "reason for your visit".

Whenever I work triage, I write down the interesting ones and have been building up a list.  Some are funny, some embarrassing, and some just tickle my warped sense of humor.  I try to give the benefit of the doubt.  I know that these people are hurting and just want to be seen, but it still makes me shake my head to see some of the things that patients can come up with.

Thus, my regular (as in whenever I feel like it) series, "Reason For Your Visit."  Please keep in mind that spelling, punctuation, and capitalization are copied directly from the original paper.

So let's get to today's Reason For Your Visit:

employee exspose

Even if we ignore the spelling, it still sounds like a soft core porn title.  (did I just inadvertently increase the traffic to my site?)

Dear Jennifer

I got your email. Do you really read my blog religiously, or are you just saying that so that I will pay more attention to your advertisement?

Sincerely,

Me



Posted from my iPhone.

American Idol

Best quote of the night (by my wife):

"that had to be the single worst note ever sung on American Idol." (referring to Danny's girl's camp scream.

Runner up:

"ouch, he sounds like Grandma with a bad cold." (me, referring to the notes leading up to the fateful scream)

Other notes:

• I still don't like the register he sings in, but man does Adam have amazing voice control.
• I didn't see this thought coming, but I realized after that last duet that it should be an Adam/Allison finale.
• I miss Anoop.


Posted from my iPhone

Today's "Reason For Your Visit"

When a patient checks in at our ER, they are asked to fill out a half-sheet of paper with name, phone, SSN, birth date, and "reason for your visit".

Whenever I work triage, I write down the interesting ones and have been building up a list.  Some are funny, some embarrassing, and some just tickle my warped sense of humor.  I try to give the benefit of the doubt.  I know that these people are hurting and just want to be seen, but it still makes me shake my head to see some of the things that patients can come up with.

Thus, my regular (as in whenever I feel like it) series, "Reason For Your Visit."  Please keep in mind that spelling, punctuation, and capitalization are copied directly from the original paper.

So let's get to today's Reason For Your Visit:

<Doctor> Said Come here NOW.  Turning Blue.

Normally when I see something like "turning blue" on a sign-in form, I can laugh a little and take my time confident in the knowledge that people walking in the front door aren't turning blue, and that when a doc sends someone to the ER POV, it is generally just something that the doctor doesn't feel like dealing with.

Not this time.

Well, actually I suppose he wasn't turning blue so much as he was turning grey.  He was gasping for breath and spitting out mono-syllabic words.  The color was completely gone from his hands and fingers and lips.  In fact, Nancy Pelosi probably had more signs of life than this guy.  I hooked him up to the sat monitor and got low 80s down into the 70s.  This is where my triage ended as I scrambled to get him back to a room and on some oxygen and a heart monitor.  Unfortunately, we were slammed and I never did find out what ended up happening to the guy, though I fear that he may not have made it.

I was left wondering what on earth would possess a doctor to send someone with known respiratory and cardiac issues over to the Emergency Department in a private vehicle.  It boggles my mind to think that you can complete your training to become a doctor and not recognize the need for an ambulance when it is staring you in the face.  Okay, so you said go NOW.  It is important to let the family know how important it is to go the ER immediately and not stop for a latte on the way, but don't you want this guy accompanied by some ACLS-trained medics who can do the 12-lead and put him on oxygen and ausculate for lung sounds and intubate if needed?  All the family can do is panic, which is precisely what they did - and rightly so in this case.

For the sake of this Doctor's patients, I hope that there is something more to the story that I'm not aware of, because otherwise I wonder how he is allowed to practice medicine.

Today's "Reason For Your Visit"

When a patient checks in at our ER, they are asked to fill out a half-sheet of paper with name, phone, SSN, birth date, and "reason for your visit".

Whenever I work triage, I write down the interesting ones and have been building up a list.  Some are funny, some embarrassing, and some just tickle my warped sense of humor.  I try to give the benefit of the doubt.  I know that these people are hurting and just want to be seen, but it still makes me shake my head to see some of the things that patients can come up with.

Thus, my regular (as in whenever I feel like it) series, "Reason For Your Visit."  Please keep in mind that spelling, punctuation, and capitalization are copied directly from the original paper.

So let's get to today's Reason For Your Visit:

Slip on Ice. on 1/8/09. Lowse Back Pain. Pain when sitting. Walk. Et.

Thank you.  for your visit.  to our ER.  To sit.  Walk.  Et.  It means.  A lot.  to us.  (And yes, I have experienced back pain and it is very lousy.)

In Memorium

Anoop, you will be missed.

On the plus side, now that I don't really care about anybody left in American Idol, maybe I'll have time for other things.

American Idol Top 6... er... I mean 7

So you may have noticed that posts are coming few and far between lately.  Don't despair.  I'm still gathering material and keeping it safe and preparing to get back into it again, I've just found myself with very little energy lately, and sitting at the computer and composing award-winning posts has taken a back seat to playing with my kids and exploring the wonders of the iPhone.

Even American Idol has lost some of the glamour, as evidenced by my ever-shortening reviews from week to week.  Here are my thoughts for this week (I'm going from memory here - sue me)

Lil needs to go home. 4
Allison continues to show raw talent, but it is too raw for me to really get behind. 5
Danny hasn't really wowed me in a long time, but at the same time he hasn't been terrible either. 5
Adam gets nervous on stage or maybe he just thinks he needs to sing way too high when he is balladeering.  Then he hits the painful scream glory note and I'm left repeating myself: I'm sure I'll like the studio version.  4.5
Kris is starting to grate on me.  I find myself wanting to like him, but I'm getting tired of the whiny tone of this voice.  From reading a few blogs, everyone else seems to be wetting their pants with glee on this performance.  I just didn't care for it too much. 5
Matt did better than I thought he would with such a dumb song choice, but this is a bad song to try to sing live and he didn't blow it out tha box like you have to with such a song. 5
Anoop has an amazing smooth, silky voice and used it well on a boring and repetitive arrangement, and I'm not sure what happened on the last note, but something was off.  He is still the only contestant I really care about, and I don't understand the hating from Simon.  6

My predictions: Lil and Allison are going home.  Update: I looked at dialidol, and they have Lil as the top vote-getter.  Why, America?  So I'll say Allison and Matt.

Now I need to get to bed, as I have to get up for a boring 8 hour training day in five hours.  Dr. Pepper, don't fail me now.

American Idol Top 7 - One Word Reviews

A very talented group continues to deliver mediocre performances.  Yet again, I'll probably enjoy Adam's toned-down studio version, but I hate hate hate him live.

Allison - Amateur. 4
Anoop - Beautiful. 8
Adam - Stupid. 3
Matt - Forced. 5
Danny - Distant. 5
Kris - Whiny. 5
Lil - Okay. 5

Predictions:  Bottom 3: Lil, Allison, Matt.  Going home: Matt

Today's "Reason For Your Visit"

When a patient checks in at our ER, they are asked to fill out a half-sheet of paper with name, phone, SSN, birth date, and "reason for your visit".

Whenever I work triage, I write down the interesting ones and have been building up a list.  Some are funny, some embarrassing, and some just tickle my warped sense of humor.  I try to give the benefit of the doubt.  I know that these people are hurting and just want to be seen, but it still makes me shake my head to see some of the things that patients can come up with.

Thus, my regular (as in whenever I feel like it) series, "Reason For Your Visit."  Please keep in mind that spelling, punctuation, and capitalization are copied directly from the original paper.

So let's get to today's Reason For Your Visit:

Broken Ankle Sprain

This sounds more like a CYA diagnosis.  Just wait until the x-ray results come back and cross off the first or the last word.

American Idol top 8 - the short, short version

Each week, I seem to have less and less to say.  This week I didn't even bother taking notes.

Allison impressed me - wasn't expecting it.  Adam was in the same boat as always for me: great vocals, but I just don't like his live singing voice.  I'm sure I'll like the studio version.  Anoop was good and I look forward to the cleaned up studio version.  Lil stanked it up.  Matt was okay, but sounded a little like a sheep.  Kris sucked big time.  Scott sang his best yet and it was still a yawner.  I like Danny less each week.  I'm actually kinda bored of him.

Okay, so in the end, that probably wasn't shorter than last week, but I find my interest in this season of American Idol fading.  The only one of the bunch that I really care about is Anoop, and when I tried to vote for him, the phone line was busy.  I thought that would be good news, but when I tested other numbers they were all busy, too.  If Anoop gets kicked off, I'm suing American Idol.

Finally, for your viewing pleasure, I leave you with this freeze frame of Adam sitting on the toilet.  Seriously.  Go back and watch the first couple seconds of his performance.  Brilliant.

(sorry for the poor quality - taking a picture of a TV screen with the little iPhone camera doesn't lend itself to world class photos.)

Today's "Reason For Your Visit"

When a patient checks in at our ER, they are asked to fill out a half-sheet of paper with name, phone, SSN, birth date, and "reason for your visit".

Whenever I work triage, I write down the interesting ones and have been building up a list.  Some are funny, some embarrassing, and some just tickle my warped sense of humor.  I try to give the benefit of the doubt.  I know that these people are hurting and just want to be seen, but it still makes me shake my head to see some of the things that patients can come up with.

Thus, my regular (as in whenever I feel like it) series, "Reason For Your Visit."  Please keep in mind that spelling, punctuation, and capitalization are copied directly from the original paper.

So let's get to today's Reason For Your Visit:

CHEST PAIN!!!

He had a cold.

Are You One of Those People?

So I'm sitting at the nursing station, entering an assessment into the EMR, and I'm focused on my task.  (Just ask my wife - when I focus, everything else goes away.)  Apparently the telephone was ringing.  I don't really pay attention to the telephone ringing because the unit secretary answers the phones, but apparently the unit secretary was away from the desk.

I cam out of my haze of focusness to hear one of the nurses at the other end of the nursing station saying, "can someone get the phone, please?" and then, looking at me, saying "apparently only certain people can answer the phone here."

An acceptable chastisement... if she had not been standing around with two other nurses taking pictures with her cell phone at the time.

So apparently I should have stopped doing my job to answer the phone so that you could continue to get paid to stand around and do nothing?  Apparently only certain people can answer the phone... and apparently you aren't one of those people.

American Idol top 9 - "and I thought these were good singers" edition

Noop Dogg - just okay, partly due to crappy backup singers. 6
Megan - hot mess. 2
Danny - crap. 4
Allison - utter rubbish. 3
Scott - a little off key at times, but nice. 6
Matt - stupid song, mediocre perfomance. 5
Lil - too nasal then too shouty and overall too boring. 4
Adam - he just can't resist being stupid on stage. 3
Kris - good. Not great. Stupid end note. 7

Predictions: bottom 3: Megan, Allison, Matt.  Megan goes home

On an aside, although I have almost universally hated Adam's performances, I have quite enjoyed - or at least solidly tolerated - his studio versions, with Ring of Fire being one of my favorite studio versions so far this year (though not as good as Anoop's Always On My Mind).

Testing

I just installed this app for my iPhone to be able to post to my blog (yes, that means I got the iPhone and I love it - but more on that later).

So testing testing one two three... Oh and hello from the hospital parking lot.

Just Surviving

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like you are just surviving?

That pretty much describes the last month or so for me.  My whole family has been sick on and off, and sleep has somehow become an alarmingly precious commodity, and when I go to work, somehow I just manage to survive the day only to get home for a couple hours with the family and crash.

Please don't give up on me, though.  I've continued to collect stories and thoughts that will eventually become posts, but right now, I'm just surviving.

American Idol Top 10 - Mediocre Motown

I like these quick reviews.

1. Matt - He was aiiight, but the song didn't really go anywhere. 6/10
2. Kris - Not terrible, but he's no James Taylor.  5/10
3. Scott - My wife said, "I'm officially sick of his voice."  Me too. 4/10
4. Megan- Trainwreck.  Goodbye. 3/10
5. Fact: Anoop's voice can melt steel, but I could think of several better song choices for him. 7/10
6. Michael - How is he still in this? 4/10
7. Ground Rounds - Shouty. 4/10
8. Elvis Lambert - Good job, but way too high and mousy for me. 6/10
9. Danny - He wasn't finishing his words, and why would you say that Smokey knows best, and then not take his suggestions? 6/10
10. Allison - Good, but not as good as David Hernandez last year. 6/10

All in all, kind of a boring night.

My predictions:  Megan, Scott, and Michael in the bottom three.  Michael goes home.

Today's "Reason For Your Visit"

When a patient checks in at our ER, they are asked to fill out a half-sheet of paper with name, phone, SSN, birth date, and "reason for your visit".

Whenever I work triage, I write down the interesting ones and have been building up a list.  Some are funny, some embarrassing, and some just tickle my warped sense of humor.  I try to give the benefit of the doubt.  I know that these people are hurting and just want to be seen, but it still makes me shake my head to see some of the things that patients can come up with.

Thus, my regular (as in whenever I feel like it) series, "Reason For Your Visit."  Please keep in mind that spelling, punctuation, and capitalization are copied directly from the original paper.

So let's get to today's Reason For Your Visit:

Dizzy, Vomitting, Diahreah, CHILLS, abdominal ache

I guess he just really wanted to be sure I knew about the chills.  He was also apparently a little bit upset about having to be around his wife Diahreah.  I can't see another reason for putting her name on the list of problems.

My New Band

Okay, so just for fun, I found this little game on a relative's blog, and thought it would kill a few minutes, so off I went.  I don't have photoshop on this computer, so I did what I could with Microsoft Paint (which is not very much).  Also, I didn't use the first Wikipedia article, because it made no sense whatsoever, and the second one just happened to already be a band.  That's fine, though, because I never follow the arbitrary rules in these memes anyway.

CREATE YOUR OWN BAND AND DEBUT ALBUM!

To Do This

1 - Go to “wikipedia.” Hit “random”

or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random

The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to “Random quotations”

or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3

The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”

or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days

Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use photoshop or similar to put it all together. (I don't have photoshop and didn’t spend a ton of time on mine)

And here is the result:

I Can't Afford It

Happy has a post up about patients telling him that they want to quit smoking because it is too expensive.  I've seen some of that, but more, I've seen stories like this one from a month or two ago:

Patient's Significant Other: "Oh, can we get a prescription for neosporin for this tiny little abrasion to her cheek?  We can't afford the medication."
Me: "um... I think your best bet is to go to the dollar store and buy some.  That's cheaper than any copay and works just as good."
Patient's SO: "I don't even have a dollar."
Me: "so then how are you going to pay the copay on the Vicodin and Flexeril?"
Patient's SO: "My insurance doesn't have copays."

So I walk over to the provider and ask her if I can get her to add bacitracin to the prescription for the poor packaday smoker who can't afford her meds.  With said prescription in hand, and my wallet hurting from the tax hike I'm about to get for buying meds for someone who refuses to take personal responsibility for their own health, I walk back in the room just as the patient is handing some kind of receipt to her SO.  The only problem is that the receipt is being pulled from on top of a pile of money that she pulled from her pocket.

Yeah, you don't have a dollar... you have 40.

And this is why even good hearted idealists like me get jaded.

Improving the ER - Idea 426432

Install a CT scanner in the ambulance entrance.  The medic stretchers can just roll right through and get the CT scan out of the way on the way in the door, because we all know that these days the docs are all going to order one anyway to avoid the ever-present lawsuit threat.

Bonus: An Ativan spritzer could be included in the CT scan, so that you don't have to do any of that messy IV stuff.

American Idol Top 11

I'll be even quicker tonight:

1. Michael - Really bad song to try to show off vocals with.  4/10
2. Allison - Was that a sheep up there?  5/10
3. Kris - Nice, but it felt just a little like he had to force some of those notes.  7/10
4. Lil - Big song makes Lil's voice seem little.  5/10
5. Adam - Weird.  Just weird.  2/10
6. Scott - Nice, but a little weak.  6/10
7. Alexis - Is it just me or did she just sing the word "Jolene" over and over?  Brooke did this song better.  5/10
8. Danny - I listened a second time and didn't like it as much.  7/10
9. Anoop - I listened to this one five times and I'll listen many more.  Perhaps the first song of the year that I will probably go and buy the studio version.  Did I ever mention that Anoop is my homey?  9/10
10. Megan - I'm officially sick of her voice.  5/10
11. Matt - It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great.  6/10

So there you have it.  Once again, you could kick off all the girls tonight (Alexis, Allison, Adam, Megan, Lil) and the show would be none the worse for it.

My predictions:  Megan, Allison, and Michael in the bottom three, with a chance of Alexis sneaking in there if her fan base isn't loyal.  Megan goes home.

Calling All iPhone Users and Critics

I have been using a pocket PC since 2003 when they were big and klunky.  A few years ago I switched to a phone version to avoid carrying around both my PDA and my cell.  Most recently I have been using the XV6800, which is a competent phone but which has some frustrating features.  As I have been looking at the options for upgrade, I've been drawn to the iPhone, but my loathing for all things Apple have had me very much doubting any decision to support the company of all things rotting fruit.

Nevertheless, my interest has constantly been piqued when I have seen others using it, and a couple times I've had a chance to play with one.  I've also tried to play with the Google phone and a few other, newer Windows Mobile phones as well as the Blackberry Storm.  Then the other day while walking around the new mall in our area, we walked past an Apple Store, and so I decided it would be fun to go tinker with the iPhone.  Thanks to some inexplicable rule that says that nobody in an Apple Store can be comfortable, we were required to tinker while standing next to unnaturally high tables, and after just 15 minutes or so, we left with slightly kinked necks and sore feet.  And yet the joy of simplicity and the power of the phone's capability lingered.  So yesterday when I had a chance to go out on a Daddy-Daddy date (that's personal time and not an obtuse reference to some kind of gay liason), I went back to the mall and sacrificed my body by spending three hours playing with every app I could and toying around with all the features.

By the time I was done with all that biz, I definitely had iPhone lust.  And yet the problem remained: do I really want to pay all the extra money that it would cost to upgrade to the AT&T plan and leave my month-to-month plan with Verizon?  So I went over and talked to the peeps at the kiosk and the (surprisingly) easy-going and non-pushy saleswoman walked me through what it would entail and how I could get a plan to fit my needs.  In the end, it turns out that my wife (who is not into the whole computer-in-your-pocket type of phone) can get a simple phone with mp3 ability but not much more and I can get my iPhone with all the bells and whistles and accompanying data plan, and the net effect on our monthly statement will be... nothing.  It will be the same cost, so the only difference will be the price of the phone itself and, unfortunately, the 2 year commitment.

So after looking around and talking to people I know (including one person who works for Microsoft), nobody has yet said anything to talk me out of taking the plunge and betraying my very being by purchasing and actually using an Apple product.

That is where you come in.

What I need from you, faithful reader, is to talk some sense into me... or further my resolve to go ahead with the iPhone.

And while you are at it, answer me a few questions if you can:

* How well does Outlook sync with the iPhone?
* From what I have read, there is no way to get my mobipocket ebooks that I have purchased to switch over to the iPhone.  Is that true?
* One of my favorite programs on my pocket PC is kidcolor, which is a little drawing program that locks down the operating system so that I can let my daughter scribble to her hearts content, which is great for waiting rooms and church meetings.  Is there anything like that on the iPhone?
* For anyone else who has made the plunge to iPhone, is there anything that you didn't expect you would miss but now you do?
* I use skyscape and epocrates on my pocket pc.  What are the best medical programs on the iPhone, and is it true that skyscape on the iPhone requires you to re-purchase each program annually?
* That sucks.
* Does anybody have any experience using AT&T navigator?  Is it any different than Verizon's Navigator?
* Other questions that aren't coming to mind right now.

So there you have it, faithful readers.  Convince away.  Talk me into it.  Talk me out of it.  Laugh quietly to yourself and move on with your lives, but remember, a young man's very soul hangs in the balance, and you will have to live with your decision for eternities to come.

You may now speak your mind.

How to fix the Backyardigans

Do you have children?  Then you probably know about the backyardigans.  My daughter loves this show.  I want to pull my toenails up through my intestines and out my left ear when it is on.

So it was with great interest that I came across this post by Jay Black about some ideas on how to make the show more current.  I hope that the show's producers are paying attention.

Today's "Reason For Your Visit"

When a patient checks in at our ER, they are asked to fill out a half-sheet of paper with name, phone, SSN, birth date, and "reason for your visit".

Whenever I work triage, I write down the interesting ones and have been building up a list.  Some are funny, some embarrassing, and some just tickle my warped sense of humor.  I try to give the benefit of the doubt.  I know that these people are hurting and just want to be seen, but it still makes me shake my head to see some of the things that patients can come up with.

Thus, my regular (as in whenever I feel like it) series, "Reason For Your Visit."  Please keep in mind that spelling, punctuation, and capitalization are copied directly from the original paper.

So let's get to today's Reason For Your Visit:

heR thing is hurting

This one comes courtesy of a mother of a little toddler who was complaining of pain on urination.  In case you were wondering where the pain was, it was in... you know... her thing.  This, of course, is not to be confused with little miss thing*.


* I just put "little miss thing" in google, and it gave me this.  I can only imagine the psychological trauma that girl in the picture will go through when she is 16 and realizes that her mother made her wear that headband.  I'm just saying...

Today's "Reason For Your Visit"

When a patient checks in at our ER, they are asked to fill out a half-sheet of paper with name, phone, SSN, birth date, and "reason for your visit".

Whenever I work triage, I write down the interesting ones and have been building up a list.  Some are funny, some embarrassing, and some just tickle my warped sense of humor.  I try to give the benefit of the doubt.  I know that these people are hurting and just want to be seen, but it still makes me shake my head to see some of the things that patients can come up with.

Thus, my regular (as in whenever I feel like it) series, "Reason For Your Visit."  Please keep in mind that spelling, punctuation, and capitalization are copied directly from the original paper.

So let's get to today's Reason For Your Visit: (Today I present to you a double shot)

theeth
Swooling thorat sore

Everybody makes spelling mistakes sometimes, even me, in my state of near-perfection can maike mistaykes, but every once in a while you get one that just makes you wonder if English is a person's first (or second or third) language.  In both cases above, the answer is a sad yes.  Particularly in the second example, where she must have realised that she was spelling swelling wrong and so she crossed it out only to murder her next attempt also.

And theeth just leaves me dumbfounded.  I keep trying to come up with something clever to say about it, and words fail me, so I'll just let you look at it one more time and marvel.

theeth

American Idol Top 13

I'll be quick tonight:

1. Lil - I can see why people like her, but to me, she is a one-trick pony, and I don't like her trick.  5/10
2. Scott - He is just so darn likeable.  7/10
3. Danny - He took a crappy song and blew it out the box.  9/10
4. Michael - He beat my expectations, but then again, my expectations weren't very high.  4/10
5. Speaking of low expectations, Jasmine gets a 7/10 - the best female performance of the night.
6. Kris - My wife thinks he is cute.  I think his wife is cute.  7/10
7. Allison - Another one-trick pony.  She's good in her niche, but you can only pull songs into your niche for so long.  5/10
8. Anoop is my homey, and the judges are stupid.  9/10
9. Jorge - Boring.  4/10
10. Megan - She has a spicy, unique voice, but like any spice, I can only stand so much of it.  5/10
11. Adam - I was enjoying the toned-down beginning and was looking forward to getting behind it.  Then it got bad.  Then it got terrible.  Kara said he was singing notes she didn't even know existed.  That's right, Kara, because they don't exist.  It is called screeching, and it is usually what animals do as they are dying.  3/10
12. Matt - I couldn't really understand him.  Not bad.  Not good.  6/10
13. Alexis - She swallowed so many words, she's going to need some Tums.  Way overdone.  5/10

So there you have it.  You could kick all six girls off tonight (Alexis, Allison, Adam, Megan, Jasmine, Lil) and the show would be none the worse for it.

My predictions:  Jorge and Michael go home.  Maybe Allison or Megan instead.

Today's "Reason For Your Visit"

When a patient checks in at our ER, they are asked to fill out a half-sheet of paper with name, phone, SSN, birth date, and "reason for your visit".

Whenever I work triage, I write down the interesting ones and have been building up a list.  Some are funny, some embarrassing, and some just tickle my warped sense of humor.  I try to give the benefit of the doubt.  I know that these people are hurting and just want to be seen, but it still makes me shake my head to see some of the things that patients can come up with.

Thus, my regular (as in whenever I feel like it) series, "Reason For Your Visit."  Please keep in mind that spelling, punctuation, and capitalization are copied directly from the original paper.

So let's get to today's Reason For Your Visit:

Neck, shoulders, Back

Oh, and by the way, I FELL FROM THE TOP OF A BUNKBED, but why bother putting the actual reason for your visit on the line that says reason for your visit?

Today's "Reason For Your Visit"

When a patient checks in at our ER, they are asked to fill out a half-sheet of paper with name, phone, SSN, birth date, and "reason for your visit".

Whenever I work triage, I write down the interesting ones and have been building up a list.  Some are funny, some embarrassing, and some just tickle my warped sense of humor.  I try to give the benefit of the doubt.  I know that these people are hurting and just want to be seen, but it still makes me shake my head to see some of the things that patients can come up with.

Thus, my regular (as in whenever I feel like it) series, "Reason For Your Visit."  Please keep in mind that spelling, punctuation, and capitalization are copied directly from the original paper.

So let's get to today's Reason For Your Visit:

Back pain and Leg

As it turned out, not only did she have a Leg, but, in fact, she had two.  Needless to say, I rushed her right back.

Sick

I don't know which is worse:

• Being sick
• The feeling of letting down your co-workers by not coming in
• The knowledge that Big Brother is in the background somewhere notching another mark against you
• Having to get up so @#$%$ early in the morning to decide if you are sick enough to call in so that they don't send a small detachment of assassins to your house.
• Not being able to get back to sleep

And then there is the trying to stumble through the actual sick call itself:

"Um, hi, this is Braden, and I'm calling... oh, um, it's Braden Nurseykindaguy and I'm calling... oh, um, from the ER... yeah, RN.  Um, what was I saying?  Oh yeah, I'm *mindstartsracingtotrytofigureouthowtosaythiswithoutsoundinglikeatotalhoserwimploser* um, not coming in today.  Oh, why? um, because I'm not feeling well... I mean, I've got a fever and chills and my stomach is hurting and I feel like I may throw up and when I went to the bathroom just a minute ago... what?  Oh, you don't want details?  Okay, just let the ER know please.  Okay.  Don't hate me.  Mmmbye."

Okay, I'm going to go lay back down and pretend like I'll be able to get back to sleep.  We'll see how long that lasts.  Mmmbye.

Today's "Reason For Your Visit"

When a patient checks in at our ER, they are asked to fill out a half-sheet of paper with name, phone, SSN, birth date, and "reason for your visit".

Whenever I work triage, I write down the interesting ones and have been building up a list.  Some are funny, some embarrassing, and some just tickle my warped sense of humor.  I try to give the benefit of the doubt.  I know that these people are hurting and just want to be seen, but it still makes me shake my head to see some of the things that patients can come up with.

Thus, my regular (as in whenever I feel like it) series, "Reason For Your Visit."  Please keep in mind that spelling, punctuation, and capitalization are copied directly from the original paper.

So let's get to today's Reason For Your Visit:

Remove Stin

She actually meant, "Remove Stitches".  At least I think that's what she meant, because that's what I did.  Hopefully I wont get a lawsuit across my desk in the next few days asking me why this lovely young lady is still walking around with all of her Stin still in place, and where, perchance, I may have placed her precious stitches.

Here's to keeping my fingers crossed.

Anoop

Yay!

American Idol Results - Anoop Anoop Where Have You Been All My Life Edition

My TV came dangerously close to having a remote control flung through its innards as wildcard pick after wildcard pick after... wait a minute... is that Tatifreakinana?  Whatevs, peeps.

Where was I?  Oh yeah, as they got ready to call the last pick, my arm was cocked (can I say that on live television?) and ready to fling away, but luckily, my TV was spared a mild disembowelment when Anoop's beautiful name was squirted off the tongue of my dear friend Simon.

Now the important question:  of these 8 singers, who will the judges pick?  And the choices are:

Tatifreakin - No prayer of making it.  She is back to bring in the same types of people who slow down to see how much blood there is at the rollover accident.  Fodder.
Megan Corkrey - The judges sure seem to love her, and man does she have a cute smile.  I think she has a very good chance to make it through.  In fact, dare I say it, one spot is hers to lose.
Jasmine Murray - The weirdly cute teenager who the judges brought back even though she was horridly horrible in her top 36 performance would need to knock it out of the park while the other singers all puked on Simon's shoes during their performances in order to get a ticket to ride the top 12 express.
Jesse Langseth - I think that the judges are more wild on her than her voice supports, but that said, I really like that she seems to be an intelligent contestant who does more than just blindly do whatever anyone wants.  Because she breaks the typical mold, I think she has an outside chance.
Von Smith - No way.  They picked him because they needed an easy person to eliminate.  Fodder.
Matt Giraud - I really like his potential, but when he sang that trainwreck of a song last week and then said that it represented the style of music he wants to sing, he lost a lot of my support, and I think the judges felt similarly.  He has a chance if he can really get out there and bring it, but I see the judges picking Ricky or Megan over him.
Ricky Brady - We didn't get to know him at all before the top 36, and I think that the reason is perhaps that they want to grant him the title of dark horse, because a "suprise" success brings in ratings.  He has a good chance to make it through.  If you've never heard anything from him, check him out in this youtube clip of some song called "Love Me Like LA."  Not brilliant, and the song is missing something, but he certainly can sing, and even more than that, can emote with his voice, which I appreciate.
Anoop Dog - Dear American Idol, I know where you live.  Sincerely, Me.  Seriously, though, I think he is the most likely to get through, if for no other reason than that Simon said he was the easiest pick to bring back.  I want him to sing My Prerogative.  We only got to hear 5 seconds of it in Hollywood Week and it sounded like he really nailed it.

My prediction: Anoop, Ricky and Megan make it through, although if the producers want to avoid an 8-4 guys/girls split, they may sneak Jesse in over Ricky.  Matt would be the other one that might just sneak through.

Oh yeah, and Scott Macintyre, Flank Steak, and Jorge Nunez made it through from this week.  I think Scott may be able to win me over, I hate Lil Tritips style of music, and I could maybe enjoy Jorge as a Latin artist if he would lighten up a bit.  Nobody I'm really excited about, though.

Today's "Reason For Your Visit"

When a patient checks in at our ER, they are asked to fill out a half-sheet of paper with name, phone, SSN, birth date, and "reason for your visit".

Whenever I work triage, I write down the interesting ones and have been building up a list.  Some are funny, some embarrassing, and some just tickle my warped sense of humor.  I try to give the benefit of the doubt.  I know that these people are hurting and just want to be seen, but it still makes me shake my head to see some of the things that patients can come up with.

Thus, my regular (as in whenever I feel like it) series, "Reason For Your Visit."  Please keep in mind that spelling, punctuation, and capitalization are copied directly from the original paper.

So let's get to today's Reason For Your Visit:

Bad tooth ache on Right side Bottem

I'm not sure how I was lucky enough to triage one of those rare cases of Dentobuttia, but the book royalties should be enormous.

American Idol Top 36 Week 3

So the last 12 of the top 36 are up this week and ho-diddly-hum who cares.  I look down this list of singers and I couldn't care less if they all got in a plane crash tonight.  As long as it wasn't next to my hospital.

1. Von Smith - You're All I Need To Get By (Marvin Gaye)

Dear Von,

You are not Marvin Gaye.

Sincerely,

Me

5/10.  Okay, in retrospect, it got better as he went on.  I'll make that a 6/10. (But he is still not Marvin Gaye)

2. Taylor Vaifanua - If I Ain't Got You (Alicia Keys)

I wish she would enunciate, because I like her voice, but I can't understand a lot of what she is singing.  Once she hit the chorus, she nailed it, but I think the shaky beginning hurt her a lot. 6/10

3. Alex Wagner-Schmagner - I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues (Elton John)

Yes, he's dorky, but he's funny.  Before he even starts singing, I like this kid.  Then he starts singing.  When he's not trying too hard, he sounds okay, but unfortunately for him, he's trying too hard for most of the song.  Simon nailed it:  "You are like a little hamster trying to be a tiger."  He shouldn't go through, but I could see him getting the "lovable guy" vote.  5/10

4. Arianna Afsar - The Winner Takes It All (Abba)

Very shaky performance coupled with boring song = too much for her big voice to overcome.  4/10

5. Junot Joyner - Hey There Delila (Plain White T's)

Didn't he sing this in Hollywood week?  I wonder if it is possible to sing this song any slower?  He has a nice roughness to his voice, but so does Danny, and he's no Danny. 6/10

6. Kristin McNamara - Give Me One Reason (Tracy Chapman)

I can't put words to why I didn't like that performance, because if I have to rate her vocal performance, it would be at least an 8 or a 9, but in the end, I was left feeling cold.  6/10

7. Little Girl Marshall - I Will Do Anything For Love (Turkeyloaf)

That was the most boring exciting performance I've seen.  The music got big and the words got fast, but the boring stayed steady.  4/10

8. Felicia Barton - No One (Alicia Keys)

Kind of opposite of Kristin, I don't know why I liked this performance given the pitch problems, the timing being off from the backup singers, and the horrendous haircut.  That said, I liked it.  7/10

9. Scott MacIntyre - Mandolin Rain (Bruce Hornsby)

A few weak points, but overall a good job.  He's got a lot of potential.  7/10

10. Kendall Beard - This One's For the Girls (Martina McBride)

She's cute.  This song is dumb.  She sounds just like every other wannabe female country singer who has tried this song.  Paula says she gets the prize for the best outfit.  I say she gets the prize for the best burlap bag.  5/10

11. Jorge Nunez - Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me (Elton John)

What's up with the eyebrows, homey?  This is a credible performance, but he's got David Archuleta's shoes to fill, and Jorge, you are no David Archuleta.  6/10

12. Lil Rounds - Be Without You (Mary J. Blige)

She loves her name.  I think it sounds like a cut of beef.  She's a good singer but like Kendall, she seems kind of generic for her genre.  Also, she was really eating her words at the beginning.  6/10

My predictions: Scott, Lil and Jorge make it to the top 12.

Who should make it: I don't really care, because I can't get excited about any of these singers.  I just hope Drama Queen doesn't make it.

Live With the Consequences of Your Actions

Scalpel or Sword is one of my favorite ER blogs, and I usually find myself agreeing whole-heartedly with what he has to say, but today, I found a post I couldn't support.  His premise was that it is okay to not be completely accurate on the medical record so that a patient doesn't risk losing their insurance plan.  Go read the post.  Here is the comment that I left for him:

I'm also scared of socialized medicine, and wouldn't vote for Obama even if he offered me a 13 dollar per week tax cut, but the principle of accepting the consequences of your actions are solid conservative principles.

If you don't want to find yourself down on the list of kidney transplant patients, then here's some advice: STOP DOING DRUGS!

The idea that people can do whatever they want and get away with it is a solidly liberal principle, and quite frankly, I'm a little shocked that you would go along with it.  You don't have to go tell the cops, but if a patient comes in with a very real health problem (even if it isn't the reason they gave for their visit) and you ignore it, are you really doing them a service?

When they come in with a near-fatal overdose in a month and the attending doc has no history to go by, will you have done her a favor?  When she is living on the street thanks to a habit that could have been broken early on with some help will you have done her a favor?  When she needs a liver transplant due to the alcoholism that so often accompanies drug use, will you have done her a favor?

I'm not trying to say that you will be responsible for any possible downfall that she may take, but when you seek to cover the sins of another, you are certainly not doing them any favors.

What do you think?

Today's "Reason For Your Visit"

When a patient checks in at our ER, they are asked to fill out a half-sheet of paper with name, phone, SSN, birth date, and "reason for your visit".

Whenever I work triage, I write down the interesting ones and have been building up a list.  Some are funny, some embarrassing, and some just tickle my warped sense of humor.  I try to give the benefit of the doubt.  I know that these people are hurting and just want to be seen, but it still makes me shake my head to see some of the things that patients can come up with.

Thus, my regular (as in whenever I feel like it) series, "Reason For Your Visit."  Please keep in mind that spelling, punctuation, and capitalization are copied directly from the original paper.

So let's get to today's Reason For Your Visit:

MVA IN Room 24 w/wife

I suppose if you are going to have a car accident, having it while already in the ER is pretty good because you are assured prompt care.  I'm just not sure how you got your car into room 24 to begin with... and we may have a hard time getting the ambulance in there.

American Idol Results - I Heart Brooke White Version

The good: Brooke White

The surprising: Kris Allen made it.  I kind of like him so far.

The meh: Allison made it.  I think she did okay singing, but I don't think that she will prove to be versatile and it is a shame that she is through over Mishavonna who I think is a much better singer than her.

The expected: Adam made it.  He's good, but I just don't like his style.

Hopefully we will see Matt Giraud and Mishavonna in the Wild Card round.  But I still want my Anoop Dog.

To File Away Under Crazy Lab Values

We get a surprising amount of DKA in our ER.  As far as I know, we are not located near any candy manufacturing plants or orange groves, so I'm not sure why we get so many patients with sugars out of control.  I know in a previous ER that I worked at, we had one patient who came by once or twice a week with a sugar of 500, bringing new meaning to the term "uncontrolled hyperglycemia."  I never did find out what happened to him.

But now that I'm in this new ER, I have found that my blood glucose monitor is very friendly.  It seems like a day doesn't go by that the machine doesn't tell me "HI", to which I always respond, "HOW ARE YOU" but rarely ever get any kind of a meaningful answer.  Usually when I get a result like that, I can count on a call from the lab about 30 minutes later to report a critical high sugar of 650 or even 700.

But the other day took the cake for me when I got word that a patient had a sugar level of 1479.

I later learned that what had happened was that he was supposed to get a liter of blood, but instead was transfused a liter of Hershey's Chocolate Syrup.

Sad.

Today's "Reason For Your Visit"

When a patient checks in at our ER, they are asked to fill out a half-sheet of paper with name, phone, SSN, birth date, and "reason for your visit".

Whenever I work triage, I write down the interesting ones and have been building up a list.  Some are funny, some embarrassing, and some just tickle my warped sense of humor.  I try to give the benefit of the doubt.  I know that these people are hurting and just want to be seen, but it still makes me shake my head to see some of the things that patients can come up with.

Thus, my regular (as in whenever I feel like it) series, "Reason For Your Visit."  Please keep in mind that spelling, punctuation, and capitalization are copied directly from the original paper.

So let's get to today's Reason For Your Visit:

I think I have amona It's hard to Breath and Coughing STuff up.

I will admit that when I called this patient up to triage, I had no idea what amona was.  That's okay, though, because I'm pretty good at winging it, if I do say so myself (which, obviously, I do).

Fortunately, thanks to the wonder that is Wikipedia, I found out what amona is.  Apparently, it is a settlement in Gaza where Israeli police are accused of using excessive force in evacuating some homes that were ordered to be demolished.

So armed with this knowledge as I now am, I would certainly have changed how I triaged the patient.  The next time someone says that they have Amona, I'll just beat them over the head with a police club until they give in.

American Idol Top 36 Week 2

To all my rabid fans who have been bombarding me with e-mails asking me where I've been for the past week, please let your fears be alleviated.  There, that helped nobody, because nobody e-mailed me asking me if I'm still alive.  It's okay, though, because my Mom says I'm special, and that's really all that matters, right?

Anyway, I've been working like a busy little bee and now I have 7 days off to enjoy laying around and watching TV and blogging and sundry activities of laziness.

1. Jasmine Murray - Love Song ()
Jasmine comes into this show with a good chance of advancing - she's had a lot of screen time, is very attractive and confident and has a great voice.  The she sings.  Starts out bad but gets better, but not better enough.  If the producers want her, they'll have to wild card her.  5/10

2. Matt Giraud - Viva La Vida (Coldplay)
Here we have the only contestant from this round that I really wanted to see advance to the top 12, but what the @#$%#$% kind of song is this for him?  Who is that sheep up on the stage and what did they do with Matt?  4/10

3. Jeanine Vailes - This Love (Maroon 5)
This week's sacraficial lamb is Jeanine.  She's in the top 36 and we've never heard anythign about her.  Just another example of the stupidity of American Idol's producers.  So now she has to knock it out of the park.  She sounds like she is singing backup for the backup singers.  Ouch.  The judges keep mentioning her legs.  Probably because they have nothing else good to say about her performance.  Yeah, she has great legs, but what's up with the pointy face?  2/10

4. Nick Mitchell - And I'm Telling You (Somebody)
I'm not convinced that Nick is really a great singer, but I have to admit that from the beginning to the end of the song, I was smiling and laughing.  Thanks for the entertainment, and thanks for splashing a little water on Idol's face.  The quote of the night comes from Kara: "You wear the same shirt every night, just like Simon."  7/10 (mostly just for the entertainment factor)

5. Allison Irehata - Alone (Heart)
I try hard to judge these performances based on performance, but when you get a personality so devoid of intelligence (I believe airhead is the appropriate term), it takes a wallop of a performance to overcome it.  Add this to the fact that she just looks bad singing, and despite a pretty good vocal, I have to keep it real.  6/10

6. Kris Allen - Man in the Mirror (Michael Jackson)
The song starts off a little weak, but as he gets going he gets really good.  It takes some real skill to pull of a Michael Jackson song, and I think in the end he did it.  I don't know if it will be good enough to overcome the pre-show hype of Matt G and Adam, but I hope they bring him back for the wildcard round (unless they pick him over Anoop, then I hope he trips and falls in a deep hole).  I just wish he would stop doing the stupid fingerstappingonthemicrophone thing.  8/10

7. Megan Corkrey - Put Your Records On (Every American Idol Contestant Ever)
I really like the edgy quality to Megan's voice, but she is doing something funky with it tonight.  It feels like she is trying to push each word out individually and there is no cohesion to the song.

Dear Megan,

My daughter's doll called.  She wants her dress back.

Sincerely,

Me

5/10

8. Matt Breitzke - If You Could Only See (Tonic)
Surgeon General's Warning:  Do not attempt to pass stool while singing boring songs. 4/10


9. Jesse Langseth - Betty Davis Eyes (Kim Karnes)
I actually kind of like her personality, but whoa baby is she not attractive.  Anyway, the combination of her swallowing the end of every word and her pulling the mic away from her mouth after every word didn't do her any favors at all.  4/10

10. Kai Kalama - What Becomes of the Broken Hearted (Some Old Guy)
The judges roasted him, but I just loved this performance.  I thought he was strong and in tune and really owned the phrasing.  Weird facial expressions.  Great voice.  8/10

11. Mishavonna Henson - Drops of Jupitor (Who Cares)
I hate this song, but it is hard to find any faults with her performance.  Another inexplicable roasting from the judges will result in her not getting through, which is too bad, because she was far and away the best female performer of the night. 8/10

12. Adam "I'm a Girl" Lambert - Satisfaction (Rolling Stones)
Adam manages to keep his high-pitched girliness to a somewhat reasonable level, but he is just not my style at all.  That said, I have to admit that he has amazing control of his voice and uber-confidence.  He will get through.  7/10


If I had my way, Kris Allen, Kai Kalama, and Mishavonna Henson would make it through this round.

Prediction: Adam, Allison, and Matt will make it.  We will see Kris, Megan, and Jesse in the wildcard round.

American Idol Results - America Sucks Version

The good: Danny made it; Tatifreakinana didn't.

The bad: Ann Marie didn't make it.

The ugly makemewanttothrowmyremoteattheTV: Anoop didn't make it.

Really.  Anoop didn't make it.  After Michael serves up a hot steaming pile of crap, America still voted for him over my homeboy.

America sucks.

American Idol Top 36 Week 1

Last year, I made a blog called A Million Percent Yes, in which I opined on all things American Idol.  It was fun, but a lot of work, and I never really got any kind of readership.  When the season ended, my readership dwindled even more, and over the past few months I've averaged less than one visit per day, so I've decided to leave that blog in the dust pan of history and just post my ruminations here.

I know that this is an ER blog, and many people who read my blog couldn't care less about Idol, so I'll try to limit myself to a weekly recap and then my thoughts on the results, with maybe an additional post here and there.  To those (Nurse K, I'm looking at you) who want pure ER blogging experiences:  please just skip these posts.  It's not hard to do.  To everyone else (Dad, I'm looking at you) who wants to know more about my particular take on Idol:  enjoy.

So this week we had our first live performance.  They have broken the top 36 into 3 groups of 12 and each week the top male and top female vote-getter and the second place overall vote-getter will move on to the top 12 while the rest hope that the judges have pity on them and put them in the "wild-card" round in three weeks.  I hate this format, just like I hate pretty much every other decision that the producers of this show have ever made, but it is what it is, and until someone makes a better singing competition, I'm stuck with this.

Going into the show, I have pegged Anoop, Danny, and Ann Marie as the three I would like to see advance, but I also really like Stevie and what little I've heard of Ricky.

Off we go, then:

1. Jackie Tohn - A Little Less Conversation (Elvis)
Jackie says, "my goal is to get Paula up and dancing,"  My wife: "that's not hard."  Her performance?  Yuck.  Just yuck.  And what's up with that outfit?  Wait a minute, the judges liked it?  At least Simon keeps it real.  4/10

2. Ricky Braddy - A Song For You (Leon Russell)
I found a youtube of a song of his a few days ago, and the dude can sing.  When he is live, he seems to have a breathingintothemic problem, but I kinda like his voice.  That said, I don't think this song is showcasing the best of Ricky, and that's too bad because given that he's had no screen time up to this point, so he has an uphill climb.  Based on the judges' over-reaction to his performance, I think he will be picked in the wildcard round.  7/10

3. Alexis Grace - I Never Loved A Man (Aretha Franklin)
I don't like the "dirtied up" Alexis as much as the one who auditioned.  paraphrasing another blogger (I don't remember who it was so I'm paraphrasing) said that it is sad that to "dirty herself up" she had to look like a cheap hooker.  My thoughts exactly.  When you do that, you lose the "single mother" pity vote.  She out-rocked Jackie, but I still don't like her.  In other words, I'll give her props - she can sing, but it's just not my style.  I hope she grows on me, because I fear she's here to stay.  6/10

4. Brent Keith - Hicktown (Jason Aldean)
I like a lot of country music, but I despise this type of country song, and it is a really really bad choice for Brent.  It does nothing to show off his vocals, and in fact the music is so strong in the background that it is hard to hear anything beyond just the fact that he is, in fact, singing.  Not terrible, but not good enough. 5/10

5. Stevie Wright - You Belong To Me (Taylor Swift)
Here lies Stevie Wright.  She was a good singer, but she bit it.  I had such high hopes for her after her audition, and then this pile of hot mess comes tumbling out of her.  It started off too low and in the wrong key and only got marginally better.  Her voice comes across as weak and shaky and she has poor breath control.  And I'm no expert on facial expressions, but it sure looks like she knows how bad she is doing.  Paula said it best: "It wasn't the Stevie that we fell in love with."  Goodbye, Stevie.  You will be missed.  4/10 (generous because I like her)

6. Anoop Desai - Angel of Mine (Monica)
I love this guy.  I've been listening to his performances as soloist in his college singing group the Clefhangers, so when I heard he was singing Angel of Mine, I had high hopes because he really did a good job with it in his group.  Unfortunately, he came out and sang a kind of flat, boring version of it, without the flair of his Clefhangers version.  Also the background singers really ruined the song.  I still voted for him 5000 times, because he's my homey. 7/10

7. Casey Carlson - Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic (The Police)
She's cute, but I'm not on the ohlookhowhotsheis bandwagon, especially with that terrible haircut.  Luckily, she can sing, right?  Wrong, I guess.  She starts off weak and then goes off key.  Then it gets worse.  Then I throw up a little bit in my mouth.  My wife called it "campy" but I think she's being generous.  But I feel a little bad for her as the judges rip her to shreds and I can see she is right on the verge of tears. 2/10

8. Michael Sarver - I Don't Want To Be (Gavin Degraw)
I'm not a big fan of the original of this song, but with his constipation faces and forced singing, he is killing the song.  And still I want to like him because he seems like a good family man, and I respect that.  Oh, and did anybody else note how much his wife looks like Charlize Theron? 4/10

At this point in what I expected to be an incredibly strong group, I am terribly disappointed.  Perhaps if I didn't put so much stock in a stupid show it wouldn't matter, but as my wife so deftly remarked, "they're dropping like flies."

9. Ann Marie Boskovich - A Natural Woman (Aretha Franklin)
Let me just say that I want to make babies with Ann Marie's voice.  I've been in love with her, hoping she will be my Karen Carpenter (without the sad ending) ever since I first heard her in the auditions.  So when I heard she was singing Aretha, I groaned a little on the inside.  Anyway, she did a credible job, but she doesn't have the type of voice, nor the presence that Natural Woman demands, and I'm afraid she's done herself in.  And yet, even in this terrible song choice, the ease with which she is able to get those smooth vocals out makes me pick up the phone and vote until my fingers are numb. 7/10

10. Stephen Fowler - Rock With You (MJ)
So I'm not entirely sure why he got through to the top 36 after forgetting the lyrics twice and then walking away in Hollywood.  Nonetheless, here he is, and there he goes.  Simon often uses the term "cabaret" to describe a performance.  This is the perfect application for that description.  He sounds shaky and unsure of himself and very very weak.  Incidentally, Simon decided on "corny" to describe this one, and I have to agree. 3/10

11. Tatifreakinana Del Loco - Saving All My Love For You (Whitney)
I know she can bring it when she is not acting completely batty, but does she really think she can take on Whitney?  I sure hope not, because I don't want to deal with her insane fakery and posing.  She reminds me of an ex-girlfriend of mine in that way.  So what do I think of her singing?  Here's what I wrote on my note paper: EXPLETIVE!  8/10 (but I still didn't vote for her)

12. Danny Gokey - Hero (Mariah Carey)
The most pimped contestent gets the pimp spot.  Do you think the producers want to put him through?  The thing is, he doesn't need the pimping with that well-controlled roughness in his voice and impressive range.  Put that together with his Robert Downey Jr looks and pity-vote-generating backstory and he'd have to fall pretty hard to fall at all.  I found him just a little nasal, but it's hard to be hating on his voice.  Also, the arrangement felt very rushed, like he had to barrel through it, which was too bad.  My wife was sitting next to me in a state of rapturous ecstasy, so it must have been good.  8/10


And with that, we are done with one of the more disappointing episodes of Idol that I can ever remember watching.  Nothing in the episode changed my mind about my three favs, but I'm worried that Alexis or *gulp* Tatifreakinana might just squeeke through.  Also, I'm worried that Anoop was a little boring and might not get the votes he deserves.

Prediction: Danny, Alexis, and either Anoop, Michael, or Tatifreakinana get voted through, with an outside chance of Ann Marie coming through.  We will see Ricky and two of the other three mentioned above that don't make it back in the wildcard round.

Incidentally, I've heard that the wildcard round will not necessarily be singers from the top 36.  Does that mean there is hope for David Osmond?