Monday, October 6, 2008

From Day One of TNCC

Happenings on Day 1 of TNCC Class:

* Teacher: "Just like my underwear, I like my patients pink, warm, and dry."
* Teacher: "So what do you do if your patient is going down the tubes?" Nurse in back: "In the ER? Narcan."
* Teacher: "And you always want to auscultate every part of the body except for the limbs... or the perineum."
* Teacher: " wont really be seeing that in the ER unless you are doing a lot of abdominal surgeries.  And if you are doing a lot of abdominal surgeries in the ER, that is bad."  Nurse in back: "At least it's better than doing breast augmentations in the ER."
* Teacher: "...and if you suspect that kind of infection, that's when you break out the Gidzillamycin or the Rambocillin."
* Teacher: "So what is the big problem with MRI exams?"  Nurse in back: "It's on the other side of the hospital."
* Teacher: "When people bleed, what do they bleed?" Nurse in back: "blood?"
* Teacher: "What do you do when you have a shock patient who refuses blood transfusions?" Nurses: *silence* Teacher: "You sedate and intubate.  When they are intubated, you can just say that you couldn't understand them."
* Teacher: "Autotransfusion can only be done when there are no abdominal injuries, and to be safe the general rule is no injuries below the nipple line.  And for the ladies in the room, that is where the nipples started, not where they are now."

and finally:

* After seeing slide after slide of disgusting dismemberments and gunshot wounds, we get treated to a particularly bloody slide of a traumatic amputation of a leg.  Fortunately for us, whoever put the powerpoint together (somebody at ENA) decided to put a black censor box over the - ahem - private areas.  Unfortunately for us, they missed the top half of the privates.  Nice thought, though.

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