Friday, July 18, 2008

It's What Ply?

You are going to have to trust me on this: I don't want to spend too much time talking about my booty; suffice it to say that I am somewhat of a fan. In fact, my booty is there for me all day long whenever I need it to provide wonderful padding for my seating needs.

As a reward, I splurge and get the nice toilet paper from Costco - not that Kirkland Signature stuff, but the, quilted stuff that kind of feels like I'm stealing someone's old comforter when I use the bathroom. I believe it is approximately 187 ply.

I don't expect everyone to follow suit. My parents get the Kirkland Signature stuff, so when I go over there I know I will be using toilet paper that is about 1.25 ply. It aint the best, but I can live with it.

The hospital where I work, however, has found some magical means of developing a toilet paper that is actually a negative ply number. I keep watching the Discovery Channel in a vain hope of learning how it is possible to take sandpaper and whittle it down to it's basic neurons, converting it in the process to a completely transparent form that dissolves completely on contact with water or human skin. I'll keep you updated if I do discover this secret.

In the meantime, I never thought I would be jealous of the box of tissues we give to patients who have to use the commode chair.


Unknown said...

You have seen nothing until you've seen the toilet paper my Grandmother in England used to buy. I kid you not it was like a thinner version of waxed paper than crinkled when well you know....

Holly said...

Thats too funny!! Ive never heard it explained better!

make mine trauma said...

Thanks for the rating....I have contemplated buying that Kirkland stuff because I am truly a tightwad but never could decide if it was a chance worth taking.
Ever tried wiping with those toilet seat tissue covers? (womens public rest rooms are always running out of T.P.)Or dried your hands with toilet paper? I tried recycled toilet paper once, trying to dry anything with any of the above mentioned items reminds me of how rice paper dissolves instantly in your mouth.

EE said...

Bring your own toliet paper to work. One of our docs does. We like to steal it and toliet paper the nurses station... "damn it, who got into my paper this time!"

ParaCynic said...

One-up on the toilet paper. Baby wipes, man. Seriously. They might take a little getting used to, but it's worth it.

Combat Tried, Combat Proven - Baby Wipes.

Karen said...

Oh, Braden, I do feel your pain. I am a cheapskate - ask any of my friends, they'll tell you. But the one thing I won't scrimp on is TP. It's Charmin Ultra (blue package) or nothing. I take it everywhere I go...because my bum is worth it!